One Truth Republic
Santa Claus arrested for looting in san francisco
SFPDSanta Claus has been arrested for looting in San Francisco last night.
He was detained at 3:35 am while stealing Apple watches from the stock room of the Apple Store on Chestnut street. It was apparently a very rough arrest as Santa Claus sustained some injuries to his face. Police cited “resisting arrest” as the cause.
When questioned by police he apparently screamed about inflation and the cost of coal. He is also reported to be threatening to cancel Christmas this year if he is not freed immediately.
We spoke with our holiday expert, Elvis Presente, to understand how Santa Claus could have been affected by inflation.
His best explanation is that there were a lot of naughty people who were going to get coal this year and that the price of coal was at an all time high. Throw in inflation for other goods and you have what must be significant fiscal insecurity at the north pole.
Many of us have been bad this year and it is true that coal prices have spiked!
Will Christmas be cancelled?
When SFPD Police Chief, William Scott, was asked he said “That depends on whether Mr Claus will cooperate with us”. When pressed for more details the chief declined to comment.
Time will tell but for now we are praying and wishing that Santa is released and allowed continue preparing for what will undoubtedly be an eventful holiday season. Maybe companies like Apple could offer Santa Claus an employee discount? Or perhaps Santa could start a gofundme to help make up for the shortage.
I have been particularly good this year and would hate to have my Christmas ruined.
How about you?
Veronica St. Germaine
